It has been a long time since I have blogged or posted on Facebook or Twitter. My life priorities have just been such that this was not important to me. But tonight I had a flash of realization that I started to think of who I should share it with and I realized that this would be a good medium for sharing. If these thoughts minister to just one person it will be worth making myself vulnerable by sharing.
I was recently asked to lead worship with one of the guys at work for our devotions at some time in the future. Now, while I love to sing, it is an entirely different thing to sing in the car or in the midst of the congregation than to sing in front of a group of people I work with, using a microphone so everyone can hear me well. My older sister, Diana, is the one with the gorgeous voice.
Tonight I started thinking about my nervousness about this. Now, I am an extrovert, but I am also shy and a little insecure. I hesitate to put myself forward unless it is to help. I enjoy being in the background helping things happen and prefer not being in the limelight too often. I tend to get nervous about doing things in front of others for fear of not doing well, getting tongue-tied, looking foolish, and I guess ultimately the reason for that is fear that somehow people won’t like me if I don’t do well.
As I pondered all this tonight, I realized that there is not a person I like that I like because of what they do; I like them for who they are. Whether they are beautiful or talented or smart is completely irrelevant to how I feel about them. I don’t pick friends based on these things; it is about what is inside, how they think and feel and behave. I have never yet rejected a person because they aren’t a good enough mechanic or because they can’t play the saxophone well or because they can’t run a marathon (which is good – I can’t do any of the above so it would be very hypocritical of me!) or any other talent or ability-related thing. And so why should I fear that others would do this with me. (And, incidentally, if they did reject me for this, they probably aren’t the type of friend I want to have.)
The funny thing about this is the context of when I was thinking of this. I was driving to a violin concert featuring elementary-age students that a friend’s young son, Caleb, was playing in. The message was reinforced to me several times once I got there. The first time as Caleb’s sister, Tia, came to greet me with a huge smile, love in her eyes, warm hugs and words that melted my heart: “I missed you when we were gone on our trip”. Tia could care less what I can do and she probably does not even know that I’m a brilliant computer programmer and a talented photographer. She loves me for me. It was reinforced again as the first young boy got up to play his solo. Now, he wasn’t terrible; he also wasn’t a concert violinist. But when he finished, the audience erupted with applause and cheers. He had a lot of family in the audience and honestly, I don’t think they really cared how well he played. They were thrilled that he played and that he belonged to them. As each child got up and played, some squeaking through more than others, each one was rewarded for his efforts by wild applause and appreciation, again, not because of their skills but because the audience loved him.
God’s love for me is similar. It isn’t about my performance – and what relief for that! My best performance and best behavior are not anywhere up to the standard that Jesus set. God loves me because He created me and because I am His child. And as I focus on that and revel in His love, the rest isn’t really all that important.
Back to the worship request. As long as Bob doesn’t change his mind as we start to rehearse and decide he really doesn’t want me to sing with him, I will lead worship with him. After all, it isn’t about me and my singing ability, it’s about worshipping Jesus and helping others focus their hearts and minds on Him to give Him praise. What could be better than that!!